Lyrics from the 50's, 60's and 70's for Baby Boomers

Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash .

Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harum--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba--- Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To.

And everyone's favorite: Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again

"Why Most Men Are Republicans"....

My Daddy Is A Dancer

One day the teacher asked the children what their
fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up: Fireman, Salesman,
Doctor, Lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically
quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his
father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a
gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of
other men and they put money in his underwear.
Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go
home with some guy and stay with him all night

for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement,
hurriedly set the other children to work on some math
problems and then took little Justin aside to ask him,

"Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic
National Committee and is helping to get Hillary
Clinton elected as our next President, but I was too
embarrassed to say that

UCLA Study of Faces

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

The Talking Parrot

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled
a stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard: "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you"!

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."