Zen sarcasm

Be who you are and say what you feel...
because those that matter... don't mind...
and those that mind... don't matter.'

Zen sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not
walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk
beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell
alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken
fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to
steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

(my version is the darkest hour is just before it turns pitch black)

4. I am nobody, and nobody is perfect: therefore I am
perfect

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.

6. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone
else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

(or as a Friend Ellis Lattimore said. You ought to check the

water in the pool before you dive in)

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a
mile away and you have their shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it.

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.

14. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the
windshield.

15. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in
half and put it back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and
a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither
one works.

20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night

24. You too can grab defeat from the jaws of victory.

25. Behind every silver lining is a big black cloud