A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day ...
and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?'
The bride to be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil.'
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'
'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking in to our hotel.
My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon, that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'
'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk. 'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for seven years, he just sat on the edge of bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
The Doctor's Office
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us?have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'
'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir? '
I can't piss out of it,' he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!
The Dentist
A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot. 'No way! No needles! I hate needles,' the patient said.
The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects.
'I can't do t he gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!'
The Dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The Dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
'It doesn't', said the Dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.'
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