Born To Be Wild

http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-babyboomers-blurb,0,1036393.blurb

The Doctor's Office

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us?have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'

'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir? '

I can't piss out of it,' he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

The Dentist

A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot. 'No way! No needles! I hate needles,' the patient said.
The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects.
'I can't do t he gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!'
The Dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The Dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
'It doesn't', said the Dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.'

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Living Life Backwards

I want to live my next life backwards :

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're too young to work.

You get ready for High School : drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.

Then you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in Spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...

You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

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A Perspective

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed:

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next.'

I hope this clears up any confusion. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death

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